Guide to life
If you don't ask, you don't get
Take a spare - You never know
Choose life - Choose PHP
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Take a book
So many drummers, so little time
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
If it sounds right, it is right
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Aim for the eyestalk!
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Be nice to sound engineers
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
When bouncers grab you, go limp
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Don't drink and dial
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Why? Why not?!
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Put your CDs back in their boxes
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Invest in good quality leads
Measure twice, cut once
Hook your lead through your strap
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Listen first, then play
You are not what you wear
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Trust your instincts
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
New strings make all the difference
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Gaffa tape is brilliant
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
Don't eat silica gel
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Just go for it
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
Some people can lick their elbows
Happy endings are a myth
Phone your mum
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Life isnt like the movies
Befriend the bar staff
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.