Guide to life
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
When bouncers grab you, go limp
If it sounds right, it is right
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Choose life - Choose PHP
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Trust your instincts
Measure twice, cut once
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
Don't drink and dial
Phone your mum
Take a spare - You never know
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Take a book
Hook your lead through your strap
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
If you don't ask, you don't get
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Two wheels good four wheels bad
Put your CDs back in their boxes
Be nice to sound engineers
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
Listen first, then play
Gaffa tape is brilliant
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
New strings make all the difference
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Life isnt like the movies
Some people can lick their elbows
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
Rodeohead is a work of genius
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. Eccleston. Tennant. Smith.
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
Don't eat silica gel
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Just go for it
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
So many drummers, so little time
Befriend the bar staff
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Why? Why not?!
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Bowed harmonics sound weird
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
Invest in good quality leads
It's worth learnig some scales. Sorry.
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
You are not what you wear
Happy endings are a myth
Keep a blank minidisc (or tape) in your gigbag and ask the engineer to record your gigs
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.