Guide to life
Any idiot can play the guitar. It takes a special kind of idiot to play The Bass
Tell the sound engineer if you use feedback (or they might try and get rid of it)
Don't eat silica gel
If you can walk you can dance
If you can talk you can sing
Bad things happen when good people do nothing
Pay in cash and haggle - you might get a discount
A little bit of kick and snare drum in your monitor can be useful
Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs. Wear earplugs.
Take a book
A peanut isnt a nut, its a legume
Listen first, then play
Halfwound strings are kinder to your fretless fingerboard than roundwounds
You can't polish a turd
But you can stick a flag in it
Bowed harmonics sound weird
The Lion might be the king of the jungle, but nobody messes with the elephant
Be nice to sound engineers
Just go for it
Save the cheerleader - save the world
Don't put drinks on top of amps. Ever
If someone wants to pay you three hundred quid for a half hour set, let them
If you know the key and the tempo, you can give it a go
Tea, pretty strong, not much milk, no sugar
Some people can lick their elbows
Rodeohead is a work of genius
Clarinet & flute players usually keep a packet of Rizla in their cases
If it sounds right, it is right
When bouncers grab you, go limp
Gaffa tape is brilliant
If you own a cat, check your shoes for dead mice before you put them on
Gaffa tape all your leads to the stage
Two wheels good four wheels bad
The Bass. Capital T Capital B
It's worth learning some scales. Sorry.
Aim for the eyestalk!
A Confederacy of Dunces is the best book ever
Listen to your singer when s/he's singing, but not when s/he's talking
Everything's bigger in the Bass department
If you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got
If you have to use pliers to remove bridge pins, put a towel inbetween them
If you don't ask, you don't get
Hook your lead through your strap
Measure twice, cut once
If it wasn't horrendously difficult and painful, you did it wrong
Put your CDs back in their boxes
A good luthier is worth their weight in gold
Life isnt like the movies
Don't drink and dial
Choose life - Choose PHP
Get a good drummer. Then listen to them
You are not what you wear
Turn the desk on first, then the amps
Take a spare - You never know
The canonicity of spin-off media is unclear
Ernie Ball Super Slinkys 45-100
Invest in good quality leads
Nothing has the wow factor of a Double Bass
Except possibly a Stick
Hartnell. Troughton. Pertwee. Baker T. Davison. Baker C. McCoy. McGann. (Hurt). Eccleston. Tennant. Smith. Capaldi. Whittaker.
Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue
Trust your instincts
So many drummers, so little time
When carrying a Double Bass up stairs, go backwards
Plug one end of a lead into an amp and touch the other. The noise it makes is a G
Turn the amps off first, then the desk
If you're playing Double Bass in your New Rocks, set the endpin higher
If you can't afford it, you can't have it
New strings make all the difference
Befriend the bar staff
Phone your mum
Why? Why not?!
Happy endings are a myth
There are two secrets to good comedy. The first is always leave them wanting more.